Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
