I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
