ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
