he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
