As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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