I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so let's talk penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
