the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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