In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
