what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize