You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
