Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
