I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
