my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
