You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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