Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
