i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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