my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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