god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
