she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
