Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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