Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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