but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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