i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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