i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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