Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
