My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
