I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
