Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
