Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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