Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
