I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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