the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
