'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
