YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And then my night got REAL pukey
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
