The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
