I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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