I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
