I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
