A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
