Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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