Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
