he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
