My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
