Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
