...so i touched it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They took my balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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