this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
