apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
