So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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