that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
