just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
