Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
