so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
